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The tenth love letter

It’s been a month since I broke up. I didn’t dare to write a long speech about you this month because I was afraid of emotional surge. Until today, I can review this experience calmly.

When the first love is broken up, I believe that those who have experienced it will never forget the pain. That is the despair after the disillusionment of all expectations and hopes and the disillusionment of beauty. That is the same pain as the tearing heart and lungs abandoned after desperate love.

I also joked with my roommate, “I only know where my organs are if they hurt. When my stomach hurts, I know where my stomach is, and when I have lumbago, I know where my waist is, I didn’t know that I had a heart until my heart was broken.” My roommate hugged me painstakingly, but I didn’t cry anymore.

Tears flow into your arms on the day of parting.

I remember it was a very good Saturday. I didn’t plan to see you, but because the weather was just right, the sunshine and the breeze were just right, I wanted to be with the people I like, so I wore a dark green dress and took an hour’s bus to the other side of the city to find you in that afternoon.

I think you will be surprised to ask: why are you here? At that time, I threw myself into your arms and said, “because the weather is good, I miss you, so I came. How beautiful the imaginary scene is.

If God was looking down at me at that time, he would certainly laugh at me, what a naive girl, wearing a new skirt in order to see her lover made up carefully, she was so dressed to attend a farewell feast, poor child……

I can’t remember the details after the meeting, but you are very unhappy and stop talking. I know you can’t say it, so I said, “Let’s break up.”

Changchun in may suddenly became icy and snowy, and there was wind blowing towards me, which was completely cold. The yellow stray cat beside her feet slept peacefully on the tender grass and was not disturbed by us. It was really nice.

At that time, I didn’t cry and held back.

I didn’t cry when I was leaving.

After you left, I squatted at the bus stop and cried loudly.

I cried enough and stood up and found that the personal shadow was pulled very long after the standing card. I knew you didn’t leave, but I also knew you wouldn’t come back.

That night was the last night you stayed with me. As usual, you ordered takeout and sat on the sofa watching TV while eating. I leaned on the bed and watched TV, the familiar room is filled with familiar smell, but you are strange.

The last night you slept beside me. I cried over and over again, woke up again and again, woke up and listened to your familiar snoring, then cried again, crying, crying, tired and sleepy, but I dare not sleep, afraid to wake up again, it will be light, then, you should go.

The seven months I have been with you are like having a dream. I think carefully that you really don’t love me. From beginning to end, I have talked about a love affair with my own passion. I don’t like you so much, it is better to say that you like the bright and cheerful self that you have become in order to love you.

It was really hard a few days after the breakup. On the first day, in addition to the heartbreaking pain, in addition to the sleeping dark ground, he was washing his face with tears. During this period, there was no shortage of you. You said that you made up and said forget it. Let’s make a metaphor. You stabbed me and pulled out my arms. I thought you were going to hug me, so I took the initiative to jump over it. As a result, you stabbed me severely on the original wound. This wound is doomed to fester and inflammation, and even healing is an ugly scar.

The next day, the reason began to come back. I desperately reminded myself: Jun er, you must be good and you cannot fall. Don’t get a tattoo, don’t try to find a boy casually to relieve the pain, you remember, this injury must be carried by yourself. You should be happy and look forward to the future. The one who loves you will come. You have to wait. If you make yourself scarred and embarrassed, how will you face him when he comes? For a person who doesn’t love you is not worth it, really not worth it. So I tried my best to brainwash myself.

Then on the third day, I suddenly remembered a lot of things that I had forgotten. The two tickets you led to me were carefully treasured in the small box and placed in the innermost part of the drawer, we didn’t throw away the invoice for eating and shopping together. We lay flat under a pile of books on the top of the bookshelf. I stomped back and forth in the waiting room before the year pass, waiting for your the arrival of a train, it was really cold and cold at that time, but I saw from the Mirror that the light in my eyes was so hot, I woke up from the pale morning light and saw the tiny fluff on your face become crystal clear and transparent in the light. The light of that sleeping capacity makes everything beautiful and unreal, and happiness is like a dream, that was the first love, that was a dream.

After the fourth day, it was very calm and I didn’t miss you so much. The injured child was going home to find his parents. It was a delicious meal, cut his hair, and hid in his mother’s arms to cry, this matter is over. Seeing the girls around the campus, they suddenly realized that there were no one or two love injuries on the girls, but they were still shining bright and dazzling, I think I can also be as strong as them. I am very happy and happy. I will only suddenly recall that there was such a boy who once appeared in a casual moment, then my mouth smiled slightly to continue my life, because I must have forgotten your appearance.

On the fifth day, “bother me”

Don’t bother”

Love Me”

Don’t Love”

“Miss me”

Not bad”

Brother da, I will not bother you for the rest of my life. Please be happy.

Actually, I know that you have had a bad time these two days.

On the sixth day, it was really calm. I put you down.

On the seventh day, it was a huge emptiness after calm. You really like other girls. I can’t fool myself any more. If you like others, you don’t want me. Why, why do you want to do this to me? I really can’t figure it out, so that there is some inexplicable hatred. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I am wrong, I hate God, I don’t know what I want, I hate the promise of sweet words and the past of those Aquacome, but this hatred just flashed by and then the pain of tearing people apart. I had to remind myself repeatedly: jun er, you must not fall, be good, please, don’t hurt yourself, everything will be fine, it’s just a matter of time, you must be fine……

On the eighth day, it rained. Many boys were waiting for their girlfriends with umbrellas under the dormitory building. Suddenly, I thought, are you waiting for that girl like this, and me? I don’t even have an umbrella. Really, why did you make yourself so miserable? I really feel wronged. Another wave of powerful self-Brainwashing: silly girl, how can he love you if he doesn’t love you? Take care of yourself, keep yourself warm and protect yourself. You don’t need to rely on others. You have and only have yourself. You always say that who is left and who can’t live in this world, how can this sentence be useless to yourself? Jun er, I know you are natural and unrestrained. You just can’t forget it. Leave it to the time. Don’t think about it or not. Soon, time will help you solve everything.

On May 31, the N th day of the breakup.

Everything is clear.

You never Aquacome me.

I don’t hate, you just don’t love me, you are right.

I thank you for making me who I am now. Thank you for leaving me and for giving me this experience. I will remember your advice, study hard, take good care of myself, polish my eyes, and be humble

On that day, I was thinking that I had a lot of words to say, but I wouldn’t write a word for you, even one word.

Until now, on the N + N th day of breaking up, I wrote these words to face your past with an extremely calm attitude. Those who have promised you will write you ninety-nine love letters and then publish a book will not break your promise.

However, for the rest of my life, love letters will be written to you, but I no longer have you in my story.

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) Phoenix Mountain Spring Tour

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